The virtue of Integrity? Who you are when no one is watching.
You all know I’ve been promoting my book like crazy. So much so, that I failed to offer any background on me and how I got to this plane of existence.
Questions you may or may not ask, Who is Joycelyn? Why should I care about her and her virtues?
Joycelyn’s story is alike many of the women born in the U.S. She’s divorced(after 17 years), mother of 3(2 adult daughters and 1 growing man), graduated college, went to work…blah, blah, blah!
But for my readers, guess what else?
There’s more to it than that…I’m afraid of not being ready when God comes for me. That’s it, I’m not afraid of anything else. Sure, I get nervous and, sometimes I even waste time worrying! And of course, I can over process the hell out of the smallest change in voices and behaviors.
I am human. I want to love and be loved. So, I love and allow others to love me. Sometimes it’s in abundance or in minuscule amounts. However, I take it and claim it for me. Occasionally, the way I receive love isn’t in line with ‘the way I was raised’ or what society deems as acceptable for a woman. When the moment presents it self, I grab all of the love or even the ‘like-love’ and stash it away. That’s where practicing the virtues come into place.
Every situation, I pray about, either going in or coming out. I need for God to know that I am aware of the moves I’m making but I’m struggling with my desires. I mean seriously, I don’t want him looking at me and thinking ‘This girl is ditzy as all get out. When will she learn?” So, I pray…
Seriously, my prayers have gone something like “Lord, you know I shouldn’t be going over to sleep at this man’s house?” Or when I’m buring with desire, “Lord, you know how I’m feeling right now?” Or “If it’s not supposed to happen, show me?” and, of course, “Is he going to kill me?” Amazingly, on the occasion, I’ve been faced with a flaccid penis or horrible traffic or bad energy or, even an amazing night of pleasure. In all of those situations, I look to God and thank him for allowing the situation to happen or not.
Over the years, after the sexual or non sexual encounters, I would sit and have a moment of introspection, like… was it good? Am I fulfilled? Was it worth having to now go back to God and ask forgiveness? Most of the time the answer was “hell no!” So, over the years, I figured that if the encounter happened then there had to be a lesson in all of those situations. What was the lesson? And better still, what could I use to identify the lesson?
So, one day, I was replaying an event… I commended myself on the way I stuck it out and got what I wanted… hmm the way I persevered. Interesting, right? The idea of the Virtues flashed through my mind! Ha! I replayed several memories that day. Surprisingly, I was able to identify the application of a virtue to most of the encounters. Some, I’m still working on… they were just crazy as hell! Seriously, I can’t identify them as anything but crazy! Is there a virtue that covers crazy? But for the most part, in each situation a virtue was practiced. Whether it was Patience, Optimism, Graciousness and, if not of more importance, the virtue of Love. This practice also allows me to maintain a positive sense of self and value. Why value, you may ask? Because no one took from me, I gave and gained in every situation.
For women and, maybe even, men that sheer sense of being in control of how you give of yourself and what you receive is critical to your mental health and personal empowerment.
Honestly, at this point of my life, my conversations with God and active use of the virtues have given me clarity, in the following:
1.Continue my conversations with God.
2. Allow men to move at their own pace. By doing so, you won’t be disappointed.
3. Use of the virtues keeps me on the path of my journey.
4. Being transparent allows a fluid exchange of information.
Integrity is one of my favorite virtues; though, it wasn’t included as a story in this book. It saves me from a lot of bullshit! If a person doesn’t have integrity, it is revealed quickly.
As for me, I work diligently to maintain my integrity. Once it became a regular practice, it was easier to do, almost like a habit or added layer to the woman I am.
Now allow me to re-introduce myself…Hi, I’m Joycelyn. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
So, will you tell me about yourself? Will you peruse the virtues and tell me which virtue is your favorite or those by which you live?
My Love, Joycelyn