Unconditional Love

I’ve been single for years. While exploring the dating scene, like many others I’m sure, I had a list of ‘must haves’ for the men I chose to date.

I literally prayed to God, “make sure he has blah or blah and, especially, blah.” Then I would meet up with this new prospect and he would, in fact, have all of those things BUT he didn’t have any teeth or he lived with his momma or I didn’t fit his list of ‘must haves’. Finally, after several attempts at designing my ideal man, I stopped taking myself so seriously and joined God in the laughter.

One day, as I was conversing with God, I simply said, “How about this? Instead of giving you an arbitrary list of what I desire in a mate, because I’m obviously struggling with what I want and/or need, can I just have someone who loves me as you love you? What do you say to that?” After the words came out of my mouth, I thought “brilliant. Now, that is something for which to ask!”

From that moment forward, when someone asked “What do you want in a mate?” or “What kind of men do you like to date?” I simply replied, “I’d like to love a man who loves me as God loves me.” Now, I know it sounds pretty simple, right? But men would, please believe me, run like hell at the thought of loving someone unconditionally or even loving in the same vein as God. Well, after the first few times, I realized that I was onto something. If nothing else, it made me more discerning in how and with whom I shared my precious time.

The twist to this request is that I had to be open to not just being loved unconditionally BUT loving unconditionally, as well. Was I capable of such love? As I thought of pure love, I began to realize that not having teeth, living with momma or even my not fitting the list of ‘must haves’ are all so basic in the scope of love given to us by God.

Today, I know that I am exactly as I was designed. The man for whom I was designed will love me exactly as I am. He will love me in abundance and effortlessly. He will receive all of me and thank God for this opportunity to love in his vein. And, well, I will bask in his love and give love unconditionally.

Love lives inside

Who is Joycelyn?

The virtue of Integrity? Who you are when no one is watching.
You all know I’ve been promoting my book like crazy. So much so, that I failed to offer any background on me and how I got to this plane of existence.
Questions you may or may not ask, Who is Joycelyn? Why should I care about her and her virtues?
Joycelyn’s story is alike many of the women born in the U.S. She’s divorced(after 17 years), mother of 3(2 adult daughters and 1 growing man), graduated college, went to work…blah, blah, blah!
But for my readers, guess what else?
There’s more to it than that…I’m afraid of not being ready when God comes for me. That’s it, I’m not afraid of anything else. Sure, I get nervous and, sometimes I even waste time worrying! And of course, I can over process the hell out of the smallest change in voices and behaviors.
I am human. I want to love and be loved. So, I love and allow others to love me. Sometimes it’s in abundance or in minuscule amounts. However, I take it and claim it for me. Occasionally, the way I receive love isn’t in line with ‘the way I was raised’ or what society deems as acceptable for a woman. When the moment presents it self, I grab all of the love or even the ‘like-love’ and stash it away.  That’s where practicing the virtues come into place.
Every situation, I pray about, either going in or coming out. I need for God to know that I am aware of the moves I’m making but I’m struggling with my desires. I mean seriously, I don’t want him looking at me and thinking ‘This girl is ditzy as all get out. When will she learn?”  So, I pray…
Seriously, my prayers have gone something like  “Lord, you know I shouldn’t be going over to sleep at this man’s house?” Or when I’m buring with desire, “Lord, you know how I’m feeling right now?” Or “If it’s not supposed to happen, show me?” and, of course, “Is he going to kill me?” Amazingly, on the occasion, I’ve been faced with a flaccid penis or horrible traffic or bad energy or, even an amazing night of pleasure. In all of those situations, I look to God and thank him for allowing the situation to happen or not.
Over the years, after the sexual or non sexual encounters, I would sit and have a moment of introspection, like… was it good? Am I fulfilled? Was it worth having to now go back to God and ask forgiveness? Most of the time the answer was “hell no!” So, over the years, I figured that if the encounter happened then there had to be a lesson in all of those situations. What was the lesson? And better still, what could I use to identify the lesson?
So, one day, I was replaying an event… I commended myself on the way I stuck it out and got what I wanted… hmm the way I persevered. Interesting, right? The idea of the Virtues flashed through my mind! Ha! I replayed several memories that day. Surprisingly,  I was able to identify the application of a virtue to most of the encounters. Some, I’m still working on… they were just crazy as hell! Seriously, I can’t identify them as anything but crazy! Is there a virtue that covers crazy? But for the most part, in each situation a virtue was practiced. Whether it was Patience, Optimism, Graciousness and, if not of more importance, the virtue of Love. This practice also allows me to maintain a positive sense of self and value. Why value, you may ask? Because no one took from me, I gave and gained in every situation.
For women and, maybe even, men that sheer sense of being in control of how you give of yourself and what you receive is critical to your mental health and personal empowerment.
Honestly, at this point of my life, my conversations with God and active use of the virtues have given me clarity, in the following:
1.Continue my conversations with God.
2. Allow men to move at their own pace. By doing so, you won’t be disappointed.
3. Use of the virtues keeps me on the path of my journey.
4. Being transparent allows a fluid exchange of information.
Integrity is one of my favorite virtues; though, it wasn’t included as a story in this book. It saves me from a lot of bullshit! If a person doesn’t have integrity, it is revealed quickly.
As for me, I work diligently to maintain my integrity. Once it became a regular practice, it was easier to do, almost like a habit or added layer to the woman I am.
Now allow me to re-introduce myself…Hi, I’m Joycelyn. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
So, will you tell me about yourself? Will you peruse the virtues and tell me which virtue is your favorite or those by which you live?
My Love, Joycelyn

Lover of Love

via Daily Prompt: Avid

As a person who seeks to find meaning and love in all interactions, it behooves me to pace myself in my daily explorations and travel. When I meet people, I immediately open my mind to the possibilities of them. Though as time, and experiences, would have it, I became more discerning in choosing those with whom I engage so personally.

It did not, however, change the one simple quality about me, I am a enthusiast of love. I believe in it. I want it. I’m open to exploring it alone and, as well, with others. I am able to experience love through the stories of others. When someone is sharing with me, I can hear the passion in their words, see it in their eyes and feel it radiating from their energy.

How did it happen to me? How is it that I am an avid lover of love? Quite simply, it is a gift. The gift of loving unconditionally. The universe decided that I am one of the people who walk the earth and share in the love of its inhabitants. So, as we continue to travel through this amazingly beautiful life, if you see me please cross my path and allow me to feel the love as it flows through you!

Today I…

via Daily Prompt: Pleased

Today I announced to the world the release of my new book, The Virtues of Joy. I was nervous and excited at the same damn time. It’s crazy because I’ve been playing this moment over and over in my head. I thought of one hundred reasons to wait until another tomorrow.

Well, before my shower this morning, I was moved to make an announcement via the conduit for the world’s information… Facebook! I took a deep breath, began to type, “I’m so excited to…”, uploaded a photo of the book cover and proceeded to select my feeling…excited or nervous? I chose excited because the nervous emoji looked ill, I didn’t feel ill. Or did I? I reread the post and pressed ‘post.’ Just like that, my announcement was official. I hurriedly placed my phone on the night stand and rushed to the shower. Maybe I thought the shower would wash away the fact that I just submitted my intellectual property to the world for its scrutiny or, possibly, praise.

After my shower, I tried to go about my morning routine of applying lotion and singing to the latest radio tunes. Each time my eyes were drawn to my phone, what’s happening on FB? Has anyone even seen my post yet? Will anyone follow the link to buy the book? Now, all of a sudden, my emotion is stress! I willed myself to wait for two more minutes. I talked myself into putting on my panties and bra first. I mean how many people could have possibly seen the post in the last 20 minutes? I didn’t know but I couldn’t wait another minute…

I sat on the edge of the bed, reached for my phone, entered my security code, selected the FB app and took a deep breath? While the app was loading, I had another million thoughts, what if no one is awake yet? I mean, seriously, in the whole world? What if the post didn’t post? Was this a bad idea? Maybe I should delete it until another tomorrow? OK, here goes, the app opens, I took another deep breath and looked at the notifications… 29. I exhaled and willed my index finger to open the notifications, whoa, is this right?

I began to open each one, thumbs up, hearts and surprised faces. A smile took over my face, my nervousness changed to excitement. So, many positive messages, “Congratulations”, “Kudos”, “Way to go”, “I’m buying a copy now”, “Is that you on the cover?” Before I responded, I stood in the middle of the floor, yelled a silent scream and jumped up and down, shouting “oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness”. After I gathered myself, I began to respond to the well wishers and supporters. In that moment, I was pleased.


via Daily Prompt: Unravel

In the past when I thought of a love going away, it felt like my whole world was coming unglued. Fight. Love is such a profound force of nature. When I thought about possibly losing a love, my breath would become shallow, the hair on my arms would stand and my heart would race. Fight or flight? I would work tirelessly to hold on to that idea of love until eventually it turned into fear and resentment. Flight.

As I got older, I realized that true unconditional love never goes away. Actually I believe that I was in love with the idea of making love happen however I could. I’m sure that I thought that I could love enough for everyone involved. It always worked for a while until things began to unravel. Just as ferociously as I worked to put it together, I worked twice as hard to keep it together. But we all know that you cant make a relationship happen. Silly me.

Now, I know that love doesn’t unravel, it runs an unpredictable course then in levels off for the duration of life. But I do know that if it’s really love, it doesn’t go away.




via Daily Prompt: Cusp

As the process of writing a book crept upon me, I knew that something amazing had taken over my mind and fingers. How does this happen? How does one not know that there’s a book within to be written? So, without much thought, I sat in front of my computer and I wrote. About what did I write? My life and the complexities associated with attempting to live by moral excellence while addressing my sexual desires. I could feel that I was being forced to write about each of those. Unbeknownst to me, these topics would meet in my brain for the first time.

Each of the topics wanted my attention. I went back and forth trying to choose which was of greater importance. Then it dawned on me, they were of equal importance. I couldn’t have accomplished any satisfaction in living without acknowledging, both, my virtues and my innate carnal demands.

In The Virtues of Joy, the main character Joy, practices the virtue of generosity…

…when he was close enough, I took the chocolate square and inserted half of it in my mouth, my teeth holding it in place to allow his half to stick out…  It’s warm and sweet. I wonder if he tastes the same. He’s standing in front of me in my space. He feels good in it. But he hasn’t taken his half of the chocolate… Well, I lifted my head to alter my view. It was then that he leaned in to get his chocolate. He was waiting for me to lift it to him as an offering.

Balancing on this cusp of literary greatness was designed within me. These short stories are a true representation of my total self being in harmony. Experience The Virtues of Joy

Book cover image

the virtues of Joy

Joycelyn Wells


on Joy…

via Daily Prompt: Prudent

In the book, The Virtues of Joy (by Joycelyn Wells), the main character, Joy, attempted to choose her exploits with care. She knew that sharing so intimately could possibly lead to less than friendly situations. Therefore, her ability to quickly assess and make judgments on situations from various angles and ‘not sweat the small stuff’ put her in position to be available to experience many of life’s pleasurable carnal moments.

He asked, “Is there a knife in here?”

“Hmm, are you going to kill me with it?” I know, reader, crazy, right but we can laugh now; I was dead ass serious. Remember, I don’t know this n-word.

Ghost laughed and replied, “Good one but if I were going to kill you, I wouldn’t need a knife. I’m about to submerge you in a tub of hot water.”

“Touché!” I laughed out loud and replied, “so very true. There should be a knife in the drawer or the pantry of the kitchenette. If not, I’ll call the front desk.” He left. I walked out, naked. At this point, I’m the only one thinking about my nakedness. He’s in there killing a whatever with a knife…

Joy’s character, is zany, carefree and trusting. She relies on her ability to understand people and their energies to make connections. Throughout the book, she skillfully manages to converse with her audience and, as well as herself in moments during self-realization. Her ability to be prudent relies on the balance between her mind and body, which on the occasion are at odds.

Experience The Virtues of Joy...

Book cover image

the virtues of Joy

Joycelyn Wells




Love, Parenting, Happiness & well, Men.

Today, my thoughts are unsettled. I really hate to allow my mind to wallow in this space. Though, I guess it’s needed to serve as gentle reminder of the words released from the mouths of those that I love so much. Two of my favorite people decided at some point over the course of the last couple of months that their opinion of me is greater than my designed existence. How arrogant…

I wonder what happens in a person’s mind when they decide that they know what’s best for you or even worse when they have become brave enough to tell you.

Honestly, at 47, I believe that I have a solid relationship with God and I’m becoming more aware of the universe with in me. I’ll admit I’m learning daily but aren’t we all? If I continue to travel my path to being of purposefulness then won’t I continue to learn? I’m quite sure that’s how that all works.

But neither of them came to teach me about neurosurgery or the newly discovered 7 planets that resemble Earth. The topics they chose to educate me on are Love, Parenting, Happiness and, well, my newly-discovered gift of writing and self-expression. It’s probably not new; I have just reached a plane of existence to start paying attention.

Any of you who have granted me the pleasure of even a minimal conversation know that those are all my favorite topics, and well, of course, men. I do love talking about men too. My role as a woman is all encompassing of those topics. God designed me this way.

Love is important.

Parenting is important.

Happiness is important.

Men are important.

In undergraduate school, I remember studying Maslow’s Theory of Self-Actualization. Part of the study involved the steps to achieving actualization, the number of participants decreased as they got closer to actually achieving the goal. It didn’t make sense, how did that happen? Isn’t that great for everyone? Keep in mind, I was young and inexperienced. My journey was just beginning. Well, I decided, after exploring Maslow more on my own, that I would become self-actualized.

Throughout my life, I found myself walking abruptly away from people and relationships, when I realized that they would be a hindrance to my becoming actualized. I know it sounds selfish, right? But guess what? God promised me abundance. How could I not seek it? How could I not remove the clutter from my life to see my path clearly?

Love? I am love. I laugh as I write this because I love unconditionally. I have always received people as they are and where they are. I work in a profession that doesn’t allow me to choose to whom I give love. The children and young adults come from various cultural backgrounds, socio-economic statuses and home-settings. When they enter my life, I receive them and try to connect with them through a personal and mental assessment of what they require from me which is even crazier because none of them need the same things. Well, I am always amazed that God shows me and allows me to serve in these varied capacities of Love.

My most important job is as a parent. I am the mother of three. 23, 20 and 14. Wow, time has flown. As a mother, my goal was and still is to raise my children to find their path leading to self-actualization and to get as close as possible to existing in their gift. I haven’t issued blank prayers for them to become blah, blah, blah; however, I pray every day that they are happy and safe as they travel and navigate adulthood, especially the two oldest. The youngest, however, I pray that he is receiving enough attention and guidance. Is he receiving enough from me? Is he receiving enough from Dad? Am I providing enough support for his interests, which undoubtedly are significantly different than anything I’ve ever known?

Happiness is happiness. Are you happy? Have you ever been happy? Happiness is definitely a choice. I wake up choosing happiness. Let me give you an example, I love the feel of the bubbles flowing down my throat when I drink carbonated water. So, guess what? I spend a couple of extra dollars a week on my favorite water. Silly, right? Nope, it’s true. It reminds me that I have choice in my happiness. I also love lip gloss and toenail polish. Hilarious! Occasionally, I will buy a new one of each. I also love the touch of someone I love or to touch someone I love. You can ask my children, when we ride in the car together, I reach out and touch their hand, arm or leg. It reminds me that they are of me. Happiness. I also know that if I’m in a situation and I can’t access my ‘happy’ that I need to get the hell out of there.

Men are just a fun topic all together. The current one is my forever one. He loves me and I love me. Hilarious! Perfect, right? Seriously, He loves me and I love him. What’s even greater is that we love ourselves and recognize that we exist independent of each other. The other man in my life is my ex-husband. We are still raising our children together. We became grandparents together. We will always have the seedlings of love within us. Loving him is important to our children because they need to know that love isn’t fleeting, it’s life-long and the responsibility of you in love is critical to your happiness.

Now, on to my new gift of, writing and self-expression. I cannot believe how bold I have become. Believe it or not, I just completed my first book, a compilation of short stories. It is absolutely amazing… The Virtues of Joy. Actually, you can buy it using this link… http://thebp.site/104105  The stories are everything. I enjoyed writing them so much. I was so excited. There wasn’t a thought in my mind that I would run into resistance especially from those who love and know me so well.

Which leads me to my closing, as I mentioned earlier, my goal is to be self-actualized. I present as transparent. I live, I love and I laugh, as often as possible. My recent piece of literature granted me so much freedom. When I completed the work, it dawned on me… I am exactly as God designed me because I choose to travel on the path which is inherently mine. So, if someone chooses to be disappointed in me, when I have chosen what I believe to be good and right, then there really isn’t an explanation needed from me. The issue is theirs, not mine… You can never argue with yourself for choosing right.